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Examining relational aggression in dog shows and how silent bullying undermines sportsmanship, mentorship, and the future of the sport.
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If you have read my articles on dog shows, you have heard me use the expression “dog show culture” to describe the human, social reality of exhibiting purposefully bred dogs. As a “purist,” I have always maintained that dog shows should be about the dogs—the finite aspects of breed type, structure, movement, coat, etc. But to my dismay, the domain has been hijacked by the people who play in this venue. Within the dog show culture, there are continuous debates regarding the human influences on this culture, often surrounding politics and how it affects the judging of dogs. Unlike Santa Claus, politics are real, since all social domains become politicized by their participants. Whether we understand it or not, reality as we know it is socially constructed and all social domains become political. The purpose of this article is not to discuss the political nature of dog shows, it is to discuss something that is far more damaging at a psychological level which is widespread in dog show culture: relational aggression. “Relational aggression is a non-physical form of aggression with an intent to damage or threaten to harm another person’s social relationships.”
We all recall when we were in high school and can relate to the idea that there were “in-groups” and “out-groups.” Relational aggression is one of the key mechanisms that is used to create and maintain these groups. Studies show that this type of behavior is more pervasive in girls/women and can be seen as early as the age of three. Psychologists believe that this form of “passive” or indirect relationship-focused aggression is more common in women because women tend to be more social than men and value relationships more than men do. Stating the obvious, most of the participants in dog shows happen to be women. Some of the tactics deployed in relational aggression are spreading nasty, often untrue rumors, manipulating relationships to deride and exclude the target individual, covert and subversive acts against the target, and limiting the target’s ability to form other close relationships within the social domain they share.
Interpersonal aggression comes in many forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, direct, and indirect. Each form varies in terms of the impact on those involved, prevalence, and sometimes the social setting in which it takes place. While physical forms of aggression, such as assault, have immediate and obvious impacts on victims, non-physical forms of aggression (e.g., verbal or emotional forms) can remain more hidden or obscure, and have been rated as more psychologically harmful than more direct forms such as physical aggression (Archer & Coyne, 2005).
The AKC recently updated their Code of Sportsmanship & Civility for dog shows yet there is no mention of a standard of decorum that would limit the awful and damaging behaviors that are included in relational aggression. This is why I’ve chosen to refer to it as “silent bullying.” However, it is not really silent as it is only silent to the victims, since they are excluded from the discussions.
Since I reentered this domain as an adult, I have witnessed a number of people targeted, usually by people in their own breed or within another group dynamic attached to dog shows. I have witnessed people, shattered emotionally and psychologically, with some leaving the dog show world completely. I have witnessed experienced, successful breeders who suffer extreme anxiety going to dog shows since they recognize that they have a target on their back. In tacet conversations with handlers and owners of a breed that I have no connection to, I hear comments like, “I can’t believe she’s winning with that piece of cr*p.” Wait, if they are saying it to me, who else are they saying it to and how strong is their influence? I assure you that “the buck did not stop with me.” I have seen people attacked over alleged statements they made about another person’s dog; most of the time, this is just the rumor mill being churned. The level of toxicity in the dog show world is mind-blowing, if you step back and take a close look at it!
If it is about dogs, why are people being targeted maliciously by others in the dog show community? People use relational aggression for the following reasons:
All the motivators listed above have to do with both power and control. Power and control are motivators within all social domains, so it is relevant in dog shows, breed clubs, and all-breed clubs. Clubs are supposed to be affinity groups, where like-minded individuals come together to support the breeding and exhibiting of purposefully bred dogs. Often, club membership is weaponized to exclude individuals who do not fit into, or wish to accept, the social hierarchy that exists. If you think this is a hyperbolic statement, I was targeted by an individual who attempted to block me from joining a national breed club, and I was blocked from joining a specialty club that my parents were part of the founding membership. I can write an entire article providing examples of abuses of power in the club world. If it is about dogs and fair competition, why are these behaviors so prevalent?
The most disconcerting aspect of this is the fact that there are discussions regarding whether our sport is sustainable, with its diminishing entries and lagging registration numbers, yet people are being driven out of the sport of purebred dogs. I was fortunate to have had some wonderful mentors who helped me develop an understanding of breeding, exhibiting, and evaluating dogs, and I continue to learn from others in the community. I also see the struggles of the new exhibitor, as they try to find their way, feeling alone or embarrassed to ask for help. Due to the power dynamic, these people often feel excluded, and it is rare that someone who has experience will step in to provide mentoring. I would be nothing without the many mentors I’ve had along the way, and I do try to support others. More people should do the same.
The most harrowing part of this discussion is the psychological fallout of relational aggression as it relates to the individuals who are targeted. I will often share my writing with friends who are successful participants in dog show culture, and I sent the draft of this article to a very successful breeder/owner-handler. She texted me back that she cried when she read it. It was too real to her! Sadly, even with fifty years in the sport, she is still being targeted by individuals in her breed. As is usually the case, the “bad actors,” the perpetrators of relational aggression, do not see or care about the downstream effects of their actions. People who are targeted in this manner often end up suffering from depression, anxiety, and even PTSD.
Due to the nature of these behaviors, it is impossible to ask the perpetuators of relational aggression to cease and desist, since it is all about maintaining power and control. The “bad actors” are often driven by their own insecurities and low self-esteem, and use aggression to feel better about themselves. I do believe that the AKC would be well served to research these behaviors and bring in experts from the psychological community to determine methods for reducing the incidence of relational aggression within the purebred dog community. Personally, I have been a victim, had a friend end up on my sofa for months, and saw another person being tortured and driven out of the sport she loved. If I were to relate all the examples that I am aware of, I could fill the entire magazine.
If you are interested in discussions of this type, please join the Dog Show Psychology Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dogshowpsychology.
You can find my article regarding Competition at Dog Shows here: https://showsightmagazine.com/psychology-of-competition-in-dog-shows/.
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